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Carolyn Keep

The 'Haves' vs. The 'Have Nots'

Forgive me; it’s been a while since my last…blog.

Days come and go (ok ok I know it's been months) and life is lovely, but I find I’m not entirely bothered with sharing each and every thought or incident from my days with the internet, it’s really not that worthy of the attention a ‘blog’ requests as there is no real difference between me and someone else out in the world trying to live a good, full and happy life and so the need to ‘shout normality’ from the rooftops seems to have left me somewhat, until…

 A recent conversation with a girlfriend got me lit up enough to put fingers to keyboard, and here we are.

As previously mentioned, I was recently talking to a rather spesh girlfriend of mine who is the ripe young age of 31 about what girls who trust each other talk about - life, relationships, highs, lows and all that pops up in between. She said she was feeling like a fish out of water in her own life, a total 'HAVE NOT' because all her friends are either married, or married with kids and it’s sometimes hard when that is the case to build the social life that she wants to enjoy for where SHE is ‘at’ right now. She feels lonely and she feels like she's "missed the boat".

Being ‘not married’ or ‘not a Mum’ or not an 'insert what you want but don't have right now here' and waiting for these rather momentous things to materialise can understandably alter friendship trajectories somewhat. In the case of 'relationships' and 'Mum-ing' girls can unwittingly be categorised into ‘the haves’ and ‘the have nots’ quite easily. I’m not at ALL saying care and love between friends changes by ANY means. Of course not. The changes are in actual, real time – There suddenly isn’t the time there once was to really just ‘hang out’.

It’s as simple as people going through seasons of life at different times. Nothing more or less than that.

I mulled over it for a while as it’s also something I’ve dealt with and understand 100 per cent where she was coming from and it got me to thinking how ridiculous it is that society, even as advanced as we are now, has the psychological and historical advantage of getting us to categorize ourselves into NOT having, vs. having, when it’s not about that.

We can all ‘have it’, just at different times!

(Trust me, I know this – I was 36 when I got hitched and there was no way I would have done it sooner. No age pressures, social pressures, ‘what’s wrong with her? She must be too picky or too high maintenance’ outside perceptions or judgements as to why I was 'single' would ever be big enough reasons for me to care about when it came to such an important life/heart choice.)

Whatever we currently 'have' in life, we must love. It's ours! Whatever we currently 'have not' – WAIT for it, work for it (or put it on layby.) Trust me, it’s worth it. What’s it’s NEVER worth is doing something or getting something because everyone else seemingly already has it. 

The outtake? We are all already 'haves’ and if we wish and long for things that haven’t yet occurred because the Universe is the boss of some things, not us, WAIT for the right things to show up. And in terms of friendships, yes they may alter slightly in 'real time'. But the ones that stay in life despite slight changes in demand (like their beautiful kids needing their boobs, when let's be honest we don't) will always be in life.

Let's all be "HAVES", all the damn time.

As you were,

Caro x

Posted: Wednesday 28 March 2018


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