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Photo reminisce fail...

I’d consider myself to be a fairly smart person. I like to think, take time to consider, react accordingly, bla bla bla.

Turns out what I thought was a good idea, has come back to bite me in the arse.

When I moved to Melbourne I knew 3 people. I kid you not. It’s one of the reasons I was petrified to move here…I love people. So much. Everyone has such value, and so many different things to offer and knowing no one really freaked me out. I’m a social bird, and having no one to be social with was a horrible thought.

Turn the clock forward 5 years TO THE DAY and my goodness…How blessed have I been to have so many gorgeous, hilarious, frustratingly successful, beautiful people cross my path. It’s amazing how life takes care of you in terms of the people you meet along the way.

Clearly I’m going through a phase of nostalgia. I mean that’s what happens when you’re about to leave a life you have created to go home and create a new one right? I thought it would be lovely to put an album together of the special people in Melbourne and reminisce. My goodness, when I see all the fun and laughs and adventures I’ve had with these people in images (I mean let’s be honest, it’s rare to take a picture on a day of a break-up, or a general ‘shitty day’ so we are obviously looking happy as hell in all the pics) I find myself wanting to call the airline and cancel my flight home!

I won’t. But wow…

I’m nervous about the life I’m going back to in Auckland. Why? Well shit. I don’t want to be offensive as that is never my intention, but while I’ve been over here, my friends in NZ have been shacking up, having babies, planning weddings etc and I’m so grateful for them and their happiness, but so far, my life hasn’t gone down that path (please don’t get me started, yes I want all that, the timing of it however last time I checked, isn’t up to me, it’s got something to do with “the universe” if you believe in that stuff) and so it’s not where I’m ‘at’ right now whether I like it or not. What are my weekends going to look like? What will my conversations be about? What will I do with myself when they are going on double dates and I’m like (quite literally) the spare prick at a wedding?!  I hope I don’t feel alone…and I hope I don’t feel like I’m lagging behind in life.

Melbourne has 4 million people in it. People going through life phases at all sorts of rates…it’s not really like that in NZ due to the ‘smaller nature’ of the population…I’m afraid I won’t fit back in, and yet, there is a part of me that doesn’t want to. I’m not the same ‘me’ that left 5 years ago, and so I don’t want to go back to the same life!

No doubt in 5 years from now I’ll be able to put an ‘Auckland Album’ together from December 2014 to December 2019 and it will be as happy and full of awesome people and experiences that right this second I have NO idea about and for that I’m excited…but I’m also afraid, very afraid!

I feel like I’m about to jump into the dark and find my way around without a torch, not knowing where the hell I’ll end up, and for someone who enjoys knowing the ending (yes I’m one of those people who reads the last page of a book if the middle gets too stressful) that’s bloody uncomfortable!

As I take this next “life jump” with a bit of blind faith, my fingers and toes are crossed that in 5 years from now, I’ll be as happy as I am now about my choice to move to Melbourne knowing only 3 people.

*Insert a deep and meaningful quote here about courage and bravery* cause right now, I need both!

Caro x

Posted: Friday 14 November 2014

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