Keeping Up With...
Today I woke up in a feral mood. I’m a happy person, but sometimes, my inner angst comes out to play for no reason at all really, other than a bit of mellow dramatic self indulgent Carolyn time!
Why today? Well, I can put it down to a couple of things after some serious consideration (that took all of 10 minutes)...the main reason being that Shit is getting REAL.
I AM leaving Melbourne and I AM moving back to Auckland. In less than 4 weeks.
My car is sold (as of tomorrow)
The removalists are booked and my stuff is getting packed up into boxes next weekend and flown home ahead of my imminent arrival
My going away shindig is planned and the date is set
There is a lovely girl taking over my room, my lease, (basically my life)
I have only 3 weeks left of work before I am outta here
I am catching up with special people to say “goodbye” and it all feels very odd, and sad.
Yes. I might be in the throes of a ‘life panic’ without actually realising it.
No. I am not regretting my choice to move home. There are pros and cons to every decision, no matter how big or small, I get it, and I also ‘get’ that it’s normal to have a moment or 5 in the midst of just ‘getting things done’ to reflect and remember WHY you are ‘doing’ it all...That moment where you give yourself enough time for the reality of the situation to actually sink in. I don’t think I’ve let myself have that moment yet, and I’m fighting it. Am I in moving home denial!? Maybe.
In this state of flux, I thought it wise to “Pro” and “Con” myself into a state of calm again...so here I go.
It’s big. So big you don’t matter and so big you could be anyone, and be anything.
The people are not small minded, they are interesting and they tend to think big. They talk about things, and not people. I like that.
My job. Yesterday I found myself sitting in a pre release screening of the new Hunger Games movie and I got to call it “work” (It’s awesome by the way)
In my 5 years here, I have not been bored once and I have learned so much about myself.
There are always new things to do and see. New people to meet and interesting experiences to have. It feels like options for life are endless. There is always a ‘hum’ in the air...
It’s BEAUTIFUL...the City itself is stunning and I still feel like I’m “overseas” when I am in the City...NZ has nothing like it.
The street art, the laneways, the Trams (public transport in general actually, it’s 100% better than anywhere in NZ)
Don’t even get me started on the food, the culture, the nightlife in Melbourne...
My darling friends, old and new.
It’s not HOME.
I am moving back to a very different “home” to the one I left 5 years ago in all areas of my life and that is what excites me. Lots.
I don’t know them yet, but my main fear is that I will get bored and that it will feel a bit too small and uninteresting.
Hmmmm, I don’t know if that process actually helped! Perhaps it’s one of those things that I’ll choose to live ‘moment to moment’ in and just go with the flow...It’s seemed to work very well for me in life so far.
They say that the Top 5 Most Stressful Life Situations are – Death of a loved one (thank GOD that’s not the case) – Divorce (have to be married for that) – Major Illness (I’ve had my annual ‘health check’ and it would appear I’m good to go, phew) – Job loss (I have a fantastic job waiting for me in NZ, as well as some other very exciting opportunities, so nope that’s fine...) annnnnnnnnddd, number 5 - Moving (BINGO!!!!)
Perhaps I have the right to be feeling a tad ‘off’ today after all...
It could also just be that I haven’t yet had a coffee...Best I get to it.
Here’s to waking up on the right side of the bed tomorrow!
Posted: Thursday 6 November 2014